This will be the third and final installment in the line of introduction posts. I believe it’s the most important concept in pursuing what you love. Fears and insecurities can be fed to the point where they can no longer be controlled and they affect every area of your life. That doesn’t need to be the case. However, without the awareness of your weaknesses, they can undermine your strengths and cause you to act in ways that are inconsistent with the true you.
Maybe you know what you want. Maybe you can picture the type of person you’d like to be. But there are negative internal and external factors that hold you back from being that person, from doing what you love. This is an important starting point– for me, and anyone seeking change in their life, and seeking to pursue a life of purpose, love, and joy.
1. Insecurites caused by past experiences (X happened in the past, so it will happen again or words that were said to you or about you)
2. Fear (What if X happens? What if I fail?)
3. Lies (I am not good enough, I don’t deserve to succeed, I am not smart enough)
1. Fallible humans (Everyone makes mistakes, not everyone has your best interest at heart)
2. Circumstancial (pressures to do things that aren’t in line with your values, situations with temptations)
What are the factors that hold you back? Or make you act out of character?
I allowed these negative factors to decide my fate for me at one point. I have learned that it is up to me to tap into the positive factors(which I will describe later as truths), and take responsibility for my actions and for my life.
Examining whether you have an internal or external locus of control(whether you look inward to explain why something happened, or whether you seek to blame some factor out of your control) can help. There will always be things out of our control, but I believe that with the right self-reflection and awareness, that you can be and act in a way that is consistent with your beliefs and calling as a person.
My boyfriend, reminded me of the Serenity prayer:
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
He also sent me this quote:
I believe this wholeheartedly. With struggle, with mistakes, with pain comes change, conviction, wake-up calls. I believe that strength can emerge from defeat.
Pursuing your passions, building loving relationships, being who you are called to be… they all require confidence. They all require a boldness of heart and certainty of truth. If you believe the lies that I discussed earlier(You aren’t good enough), it’s like going into battle with a broken sword. You’ve lost before you’ve begun. However, just as there are negative internal and external factors, there are posisitive ones too. Those are what you need to draw upon. Depending on your insecurities, fears, beliefs, and experiences, your list of positive truths will vary. These are some of the truths that I have learned and that I remind myself of when things get tough:
1. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
2. I am beautiful, loved, loving, loyal, cherished, not alone, smart, funny, responsible, capable and kind.
3. No matter what I have done in the past, or what has been done to me in the past, the above remains true.
1. I have a supportive boyfriend and a loving family who will always be there for me.
2. There is no need to pursue things that don’t interest me, in order to impress other people.
3. People are too worried about themselves to really care about what I wear, how I look, what I choose to pursue as a career, etc.
What truths can you tell yourself today?
The pieces of your past have created the you of today. That can be a good or bad thing. How will you let those experiences shape you? How will you use your past pain to fuel the success of your future?
Let’s take responsibility for the people we are in this moment, and that we will become. Let’s love fully, be true to ourselves and stomp out insecurities. They don’t deserve to live.
-jessi hannah jay.
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