New Years Shift

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It’s just after 5 in the morning, and I haven’t slept yet. I’ve been engrossed in the content of a YouTube channel that I found a couple days ago. It has revolutionized my mind in the few dozen clips I have watched.

How is this that my mind has been moving and shifting like the insides of a lava lamp?

 

The channel, run by a gal a few years older than myself (mid twenties), blows every other one of my subscriptions out of the water in terms of valuable content. She asks the questions that no one else does, and does the research to back up what she has to say. She is well-read and one of the best critical thinkers I’ve come across on the YouTube. 

Her videos have begun to reframe many of the ideas I’ve grown up with, been taught or developed on my own through repeated exposure, experience or assumptions. Her videos have helped to shift how I have seen a few critical experiences in my life, and given me hope beyond any comfort that friends have been able to offer. Her words have challenged me to ask questions I didn’t dare ask, and take ownership of my life in a way I wouldn’t have thought possible. What she shares in her videos, have truly already made a difference in my life– I wish I had found her years ago. She is wise beyond her years both in her attitude and knowledge of her content. 

I apologize for the vagueness of what I’m talking about, but it is still a fresh change. Like new skin under a scab that hasn’t come off yet. It’s a process, but I look forward to the new stance I will work towards taking. I look forward to seeing myself in a different light. I look forward to saying goodbye to shame, pain, sadness, and submission to the cruelty of others. I look forward to the dreams I will accomplish when I let go of what is toxic in my life. The thoughts, the people, the attitudes, the stereotypes, the misconceptions, the assumptions… All of it. 

It can be hard to identify with yourself, those around you, as well as past or present circumstances in a new way. But let’s try this year. Let’s work to shift to a positive vibe. Let’s be intentional about self-love and confidence. Let’s not let the haters get us down, let’s not let the past hold us back. Let’s break down the lies we’ve heard and even told ourselves. Let’s get real about social justice and equality and the things that are important. Let’s tackle our fears. 

I don’t know if I can sleep. There’s just too much to think about. 

Image

 

Maybe… 

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Moving Past Insecurities With Truth

Thoughts

Dear Beautiful-Strong-Intelligent-People-Who-Don’t-Know-They-Are-Such,

This will be the third and final installment in the line of introduction posts. I believe it’s the most important concept in pursuing what you love. Fears and insecurities can be fed to the point where they can no longer be controlled and they affect every area of your life. That doesn’t need to be the case. However, without the awareness of your weaknesses, they can undermine your strengths and cause you to act in ways that are inconsistent with the true you.

Maybe you know what you want. Maybe you can picture the type of person you’d like to be. But there are negative internal and external factors that hold you back from being that person, from doing what you love. This is an important starting point– for me, and anyone seeking change in their life, and seeking to pursue a life of purpose, love, and joy.

Internal factors:

1. Insecurites caused by past experiences (X happened in the past, so it will happen again or words that were said to you or about you)

2. Fear (What if X happens? What if I fail?)

3. Lies (I am not good enough, I don’t deserve to succeed, I am not smart enough)

External Factors:

1. Fallible humans (Everyone makes mistakes, not everyone has your best interest at heart)

2. Circumstancial (pressures to do things that aren’t in line with your values, situations with temptations)

What are the factors that hold you back? Or make you act out of character?

I allowed these negative factors to decide my fate for me at one point. I have learned that it is up to me to tap into the positive factors(which I will describe later as truths), and take responsibility for my actions and for my life.

Examining whether you have an internal or external locus of control(whether you look inward to explain why something happened, or whether you seek to blame some factor out of your control) can help. There will always be things out of our control, but I believe that with the right self-reflection and awareness, that you can be and act in a way that is consistent with your beliefs and calling as a person.

My boyfriend, reminded me of the Serenity prayer:

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

Reinhold Niebuhr

He also sent me this quote:

Beautiful People

I believe this wholeheartedly. With struggle, with mistakes, with pain comes change, conviction, wake-up calls. I believe that strength can emerge from defeat.

Pursuing your passions, building loving relationships, being who you are called to be… they all require confidence. They all require a boldness of heart and certainty of truth. If you believe the lies that I discussed earlier(You aren’t good enough), it’s like going into battle with a broken sword. You’ve lost before you’ve begun. However, just as there are negative internal and external factors, there are posisitive ones too. Those are what you need to draw upon. Depending on your insecurities, fears, beliefs, and experiences, your list of positive truths will vary. These are some of the truths that I have learned and that I remind myself of when things get tough:

Internal:

1. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

2. I am beautiful, loved, loving, loyal, cherished, not alone, smart, funny, responsible, capable and kind.

3. No matter what I have done in the past, or what has been done to me in the past, the above remains true.

External:

1. I have a supportive boyfriend and a loving family who will always be there for me.

2. There is no need to pursue things that don’t interest me, in order to impress other people.

3. People are too worried about themselves to really care about what I wear, how I look, what I choose to pursue as a career, etc.

What truths can you tell yourself today?

The pieces of your past have created the you of today. That can be a good or bad thing. How will you let those experiences shape you? How will you use your past pain to fuel the success of your future?

Let’s take responsibility for the people we are in this moment, and that we will become. Let’s love fully, be true to ourselves and stomp out insecurities. They don’t deserve to live.

-jessi hannah jay.

Follow me on Twitter & Instagram @jessihannahjay