It’s just after 5 in the morning, and I haven’t slept yet. I’ve been engrossed in the content of a YouTube channel that I found a couple days ago. It has revolutionized my mind in the few dozen clips I have watched.
How is this that my mind has been moving and shifting like the insides of a lava lamp?
The channel, run by a gal a few years older than myself (mid twenties), blows every other one of my subscriptions out of the water in terms of valuable content. She asks the questions that no one else does, and does the research to back up what she has to say. She is well-read and one of the best critical thinkers I’ve come across on the YouTube.
Her videos have begun to reframe many of the ideas I’ve grown up with, been taught or developed on my own through repeated exposure, experience or assumptions. Her videos have helped to shift how I have seen a few critical experiences in my life, and given me hope beyond any comfort that friends have been able to offer. Her words have challenged me to ask questions I didn’t dare ask, and take ownership of my life in a way I wouldn’t have thought possible. What she shares in her videos, have truly already made a difference in my life– I wish I had found her years ago. She is wise beyond her years both in her attitude and knowledge of her content.
I apologize for the vagueness of what I’m talking about, but it is still a fresh change. Like new skin under a scab that hasn’t come off yet. It’s a process, but I look forward to the new stance I will work towards taking. I look forward to seeing myself in a different light. I look forward to saying goodbye to shame, pain, sadness, and submission to the cruelty of others. I look forward to the dreams I will accomplish when I let go of what is toxic in my life. The thoughts, the people, the attitudes, the stereotypes, the misconceptions, the assumptions… All of it.
It can be hard to identify with yourself, those around you, as well as past or present circumstances in a new way. But let’s try this year. Let’s work to shift to a positive vibe. Let’s be intentional about self-love and confidence. Let’s not let the haters get us down, let’s not let the past hold us back. Let’s break down the lies we’ve heard and even told ourselves. Let’s get real about social justice and equality and the things that are important. Let’s tackle our fears.
I don’t know if I can sleep. There’s just too much to think about.